Just Keep Swimming

Dear Lydia,
          I had to save your life today.
I bought you and Gray these life vest floaties for this summer and today we went to use them for the first time. They needed some adjusting (which I have yet to figure out) so it wasn't really keeping your face out of the water like it was supposed to. So I took it off for you. You said you were done with the water after that and since your such an anxious child I didn't worry. So when I was at the other end of the pool retrieving the beach balls and I saw you drowning I swam as hard as I could to get to you. I made it. If felt like it took me so long. I didn't have to do CPR, thank goodness. You kept telling me you were sorry you feel off the steps. That's all you think happened because you're so young. But I know what almost happened and my heart is so sore. It felt like you were under for hours.
        Don't you go anywhere baby girl. I really don't know if I could handle losing you. I'm sorry that I frequently have a hard time finding patience for your anxiety. Over heights, bugs, grass, showers, and now water (that one I get). Sometimes I worry that you don't trust me. I promise you baby, I don't want you to get hurt. I am doing everything in my power to prevent as much pain as I can in your life. I feel your every hurt in my heart. Please just take into account what I say. Sometimes listening to advice can save you a lot of heartache. But accidents happen, like today: things we never saw coming. I promise I will be there to help you: "Just Breath". You are always my first. I will always love you.
Love,
Mommy

Grandpa West

Dear Lydia,
              This March was very hard for our family. After we lost your cousin we were all trying to heal. We had been around family so much and we had been keeping in good contact so it was obvious that Grandpa wasn't feeling well. We saw him for dinner pretty often but the last time we had him over he was very quiet. We honestly just thought he was sad because he was like that quite often. We saw him the Sunday after that when we went to Kevin and Natalie's to meet their new puppy.

We had planned to go to dinner and then to the hot tube in the following days. The night that we were getting ready, Daddy just had a really bad feeling because grandpa was not answering his phone and he had not been all day. Also daddy could see that Grandpa had not been reading his texts either. So we went straight over there. Aunt Kaley met us there and she had been pounding on the door but there was no answer. You two and I stayed in the car while daddy went to open the door with the key he had. We could hear Daddy and Kaley screaming from the car so I ran to help them and I saw that Grandpa had died and that he was laying on the floor in his bathroom. I tried as much as I could to comfort Daddy and Kaley and then I drove you two to Grandma and Grandpa's house. I returned and most of the family had gathered. The paramedics had been there but it was clear he had passed away hours before. Then the police showed up and asked questions. After the coroner took Grandpa's body we went to Grandma West's house to discuss what to do next.

I hope that you keep your memories of him. I hope you remember all the times he baby sat you. I hope you remember how nice of a person he was. I hope that you know where your beautiful blue eyes came from. I hope you also inherited his gentle personalty. You had one of those super nice Grandpa's who loved you so much. I am so sorry you lost him. He was great.  

You called him Paca, and he LOVED it. 

You had a hard time understanding that he wasn't coming back but you kept asking to give his body a kiss and hug. So I lifted you about about 10 times and let you give him a kiss and hug. It broke my heart. I We also prayed for him, that Heavenly Father would take care of him for us. 

At least 5 times a week you come tell me that "Grandpa Died" with tears in your eyes. I'm so sorry you lost him. 

I'm so sorry I didn't take more pictures of you together. I still thought we had time.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Also the day of Grandpa's funeral we lost your Great Grandpa Logreen. 

 

 

Shaylee Ann West

Dear Lydia,
    For months we have been telling you that the baby in Aunt Natalie's tummy was coming in March. So much so, that you would tell us yourself. We told you it was a girl and we bought you both matching bows. We were so excited that you would have someone in the immediate family that you could love and play with. Especially with how close we are to them, how much they baby sit you, and because they are family AND friends.
   I told you last Monday that there was an accident and that your cousin that you would grow up with would not be growing up anymore. That instead she went to live with Heavenly Father. I told you that if you were nice all your life and tried hard to do things for other people that someday you could get the chance to play with her.
   Mommy and Daddy went to the hospital to see her beautiful little face. We went to her funeral and you tried really hard to stand still but it was too much. We saw her tiny coffin and all the pretty flowers that were for her. Grandma Donna gave you a little rose out of the Spray that was too big for her coffin. You broke the stem twice and that made you cry but I dried it for you. I put it up where your little hands can't crush it's bloom. Because I know that someday you will understand that it represents what was lost. We let go of all of those pretty pink balloons so that they could fly off to Shaylee. That was hard for you guys to let go but you understood that you were giving them to someone else, someone who would love them just as much, if not more than you.
   Our family is healing. We pray for Uncle Kevin and Aunt Natalie every night. We have watched them be so strong and beautiful in such a heartbreaking situation. Someday it will be the way it should and we will be a forever family but until then a little piece of each of our hearts with be with her in heaven.
Love Mommy

                           

 

Holliday's '14

Just in case you can't tell, You were Snow White and you told everyone. Mommy was "the other Mrs. West" and Graycen got to be a skunk and it just happened to be what Kim K dressed her babe in that too. Funny. 

 
   
This was my facebook post about you that night, "I spent last night watching my daughter be the nicest person. She would go get a candy and would get stuck there because other kids were in her way but she didn't want to push through them. Over and over again, this happened.Then a little boy right by her spilled his candy, she said, "I'll help you" and did not try to take a single piece of candy for herself. 
She is 2."

You have LOVED Santa. Every year. It makes christmas so happy. 

 

Funnaye

Dear Lydia,

This is what you look like the majority of the time. Crazy messy top knot. With food accents. 

You don't usually fall asleep in the car, but when you do I risk our lives to capture it because you get gertude face. 

Face palm, mom. 

Sometimes we let you eat blue candy.